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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by feeding my mogwai after midnight Whoops, wrong sub. By the way, if you see one, just throw it in the microwave for like 45 seconds."

"I got a tattoo on my penis that says ""TINY"" when I'm flaccid. When I'm erect, it says ""TICONDEROGA NY"""

"A vegan, feminist, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I know because they told everyone in twenty minutes."

"Bees! Beavers! Let's settle this once and for all: WHO'S BUSIER?"

"1938: ""It's a bird!"" ""It's a plane!"" ""It's... Superman!"" 2013: ""Is that a drone?"" ""Yeah, it's probably a drone."""

"How many monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Monkeys screw in trees."

"What does your mom and a rain forest have in common? If you look deep enough in the bush, you might find a cockatoo."

"A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied ''What for? Are you going to set it on fire!''"

"I went to see a dermatologist. I asked him to do everything he could to stop me from breaking out. He locked all the doors and barricaded the windows."

"What did the metric alien say ? Take me to your litre !"