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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between my dick and my jokes? My girlfriend never laughs at my jokes"

"On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss ""Shhh, you want them to hear you?"""

"[magic school bus] KID: where are we going today MS. FRIZZLE: the zoo KID: but last week we went to SPACE MS. FRIZZLE: im hungover, children"

"Did you hear about the businessman who is so rich he has two swimming pools one of which is always empty? It's for people who can't swim!"

"I just put in new countertops in my kitchen... Granite, they're not marble, but still..."

"Did you hear the joke about your mother's cooking? It's in bad taste."

"Why wasn't I able to see the instruction manual? Because the instructions were clear."

"Mario is a game where you save a girl from the terrible fate of hanging with a dude who owns a castle"

"How do you kill a redneck? Wait until he fucks his sister and then cut the brakes on his house."

"The comeback, 'Get on my level' 'Get on my level' Reply: 'Okay dude, ill go downwards'"