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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the joke about your mother's cooking? It's in bad taste."

"Why aren't redheads very good R&B singers? Because they have no soul"

"[dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head] 1st time: ""aww cuuuute"" 2nd time: ""ha okay"" 3rd time: ""i am trapped in a nightmare"""

"[at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*"

"Why are gay men such bad people? Because they are all fucking assholes"

"Sometimes I wake up grouchy sometimes I let her sleep"

"I'm for driverless cars but honestly having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of shit 24/7"

"Why did the jewish boy's ghost costume only have one eye hole? His dad didn't want to buy him a new sheet."

"I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%."

"Oh man what's it called when you keep doing the same thing over & over but keep getting the same result? Oh yeah, I'm a serial killer."