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Joke of the Day

"""You know the newest cars drive themselves. And they found that by turning an equal amount left and right, you end up going straight."" ""I swear, officer."""

"I joined the DNA this week . . . The National Dyslexic Authority"

"what the? why are all the prices $4.20? and where are all the potato chips? *walmart rollback guy is passed out in a box of clearance DVDs*"

"Women are just like computers... They are always freezing for no reason and you need to replace them about every 3-5 years."

"Retweet this and you'll go to heaven. Yes, the standards are now that low."

"Do people who criticize the presidents daughter for smoking pot forget that the last Republican vice president shot his friend in the face."

"This old dude from Europe is everywhere. The one that is making everybody cry."

"What did the cyclops say to the sheep? ""Ewe and eye make a great team."""

"What's black and fills out welfare forms?? A pen, you jerk."

"What's 6 inches long and starts with a P? A shit."