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Joke of the Day

"Nobody ever sneezes in movies."

"Did you all hear Jerry Sandusky is getting a custom ipod touch? It will be known as the itouch kids!"

"""It's okay, man. There are a lot of fish in the sea."" -Weird way to comfort someone whose nephew has just died."

"I just got rear ended... ...and as I got out of the car, without even realizing how funny it was, I said ""That's a pain in the ass"" True story."

"*pulls up to a red light with my windows down blasting NPR*"

"Proper grammar is the difference... ... between knowing your shit and not knowing you're shit."

"Fuck the man And make him a sandwich."

"Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move."

"Who invented Bull Riding? Hey, I'm gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me."

"How many millennials does it take to change a light-bulb? One, but he has to create a safe-space where the light-bulb can go to avoid being offended that it's being replaced."