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Joke of the Day

"Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September people say ""Wow is it Halloween already?"""

"me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first! son *screaming*"

"When a man falls off a boat, you say, ""Man overboard!"" What do you say when a woman falls off a boat? ""Full speed ahead!"""

"School says strangers are handing out lick on LSD tattoos. I told my kids not to worry, no one is giving out good shit like that for free"

"Apparently the Burger King account is suspended while they think of a stronger password than ""horsemeat""."

"German vegetarians are real pessimists. They fear nothing but the wurst!"

"I noticed my car making this odd rumbling noise I think it might have gas."

"This kid in target fell on the ground screaming bc his mom wouldn't buy him candy & now she's yelling for us both to get up and be quiet."

"Did you hear about that kid who claimed that his age was 2015? He was infact a *year* old."

"Where does the military commander buy his groceries? the GENERAL STORE HAHAHAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY"