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Joke of the Day

"This kid in target fell on the ground screaming bc his mom wouldn't buy him candy & now she's yelling for us both to get up and be quiet."

"I'm flying to NYC today and I don't care what the flight attendant says, I will be using my seat cushion as a fartation device."

"Why fist fights break out at NASA? Sometimes an argument of perihelion will get out of hand."

"Q: What did the football say to the football player? A: I get a kick out of you."

"Did you hear about the cop who arrested the almond who was smuggling heroin across the border? He busted a nut."

"Chemists Confirm the Existence of New Type of Bond Bond, James Bond."

"How does good king wenceslas like his pizza? (An old classic) Deep and crisp and even"

"I know you're the instructor but I've seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!"

"They say you have safety in numbers... Sure, tell *that* to 6,000,000 Jews. [Source](http://youtu.be/Rzb_p1mRW1M?t=4m48s) I really recommend watching the entire video though, it's hilarious."

"A: We are moving to nicer street B: So are we going to more peaceful one A: Really? You are moving too? B: No, we are staying"