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Joke of the Day

"Apparently the Burger King account is suspended while they think of a stronger password than ""horsemeat""."

"Did you here about the woman who got attacked by a gang of mimes? They performed unspeakable acts on her."

"Jesus. Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice. Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around."

"Dates are cool when I tell them I worked in a prison for twenty five years. But man, if I forget that a'..."

"How are that many Republicans candidates supposed to debate each other at once? Throw a dollar bill in the floor and let the last one alive run for president."

"What do you call it when you do papercrafts with seaweed? Norigami."

"When you ask your waiter for an extra pickle, don't wink. It can easily be misinterpreted."

"Paris Hilton should make another sex tape with two black guys and call it [Niggas in Paris](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfM_wS7qYfY)"

"Closing time, son ""Huh?"" You don't have to go home but you can't stay here ""But I live here Dad"" *Dad stares at me* Don't forget your Xbox"

"I'm here to make a donation. Nun: Blessings, the orphans could use... *Shoving my kid at her- A brother? I'd like a receipt. For my taxes."