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Joke of the Day

"I'm writing a song about milking a cow. It's all quarter notes."

"Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today? Abraham Lincoln."

"[talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks."

"I guess you could say Caitlyn Jenner is... Transjennered."

"So a redditor walked into a bar... Just kidding, they just sit on reddit and read these lame jokes."

"I cried during that sad part of Titanic, when Rose threw that beautiful diamond in the ocean."

"Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It died."

"What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef!"

"I hate how survivors leave the zombies they kill wherever they fall. I'm not sentimental. I'm just sick of tripping over them."

"What do you call a group of grandmothers making out with each other? A bunch of bi Nanas."