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Joke of the Day

"I hate how survivors leave the zombies they kill wherever they fall. I'm not sentimental. I'm just sick of tripping over them."

"[How the rap feud started] Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party? 2pac: sure, no biggie Biggie[eavesdropping]: [wipes tears]"

"What does a hockey player and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!"

"Adele joined my evening class. She sits at the back silently, we don't talk about her. She's the elephant in the room."

"What does a subatomic duck say? Quark."

"Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I'm not an idiot and I know how time travel works."

"What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy? ""The sky's the limit for you""."

"I don't like Goldfish crackers They're the snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off, and I don't think it should have to come to that."

"The lobotomist ran off with my wife... And I think he took off with my better half."