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Joke of the Day

"Cop pulled me over said ""papers"" I replied with ""scissors, I win"" and drove off. Now I'm doing hard time on the rock."

"Last night I watched a great U.S. Olympic Trials semifinal match that featured Sylvester Stallone vs Joey Lawrence in a Pronunciation game."

"I went to the store today and bought a movie called ""Tiger Woods' 18 Greatest Holes"" When I got home, I was disappointed, it was about golf"

"5yo: I dreamt I ate your brownie. Me: Wait, what happened to my brownie?? 5: Dreams come true."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far"

"To be honest, I'm not going to be completely happy until Facebook implements a 'I Wish You Were Dead' button."

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar. Sits down. The bartender comes over and the ham sandwich says: > I'd like a triple of bourbon, neat. Bartender says: > I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

"My dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that's how he lost his job in disaster relief."

"Understanding women isn't rocket science. Rocket science has rules and boundaries."

"What has four letters, but a long sentence? Rape."