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Joke of the Day

"Cop pulled me over said ""papers"" I replied with ""scissors, I win"" and drove off. Now I'm doing hard time on the rock."

"I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it."

"No, YOU didn't tighten the cap on my urine sample"

"Him: I wonder if this dealership is open. Me: Are you stupid? The parking lot is full."

"Trump & Hillary Hillary hides her emails because she has Trumps nudes."

"You give me butterflies. I give them back. Please stop handing me insects, it's really weird."

"What do you call a Mexican child molester? A Pedrophile."

"A Buddhist was struggling to complete his jigsaw puzzle He just needed to find his inner piece."

"If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now? A math problem"

"Before tea-baggers, there were two-baggers. Two-bagger: a woman so ugly you wouldn't do her unless she had two bags over her head, in case one tore."