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Joke of the Day

"I want to become famous... so that one day, when people approach me asking ""Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"" I can reply with ""I don't know, do you watch a lot of porn?"""

"People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS"

"Humans are like grapes... Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors."

"What do you call a black ninja? Incog-negro."

"The real reason Darth Vader cut off Luke's hand was because he touched the thermostat"

"I'm scared that the mob is looking for me I've been getting a lot of emails from Don Otreply about bill payments."

"What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.... Zing!!"

"how does james bond prefer his women? shaven, not furred"

"My CAD guy was having a rough day at work... So I told him to just fillet the whole model. It really takes the edge off."

"There's a dog on my street who practices Islam. I don't have a problem with his religion, I just wish he wouldn't wake me up every morning at 5am shouting ""ALLAHU AK-BARK."""