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Joke of the Day

"What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding? He force quit."

"What do you call a homosexual on fire that jumps into water? A flameboyant homosexual"

"Dignity: Is that thing you lose when you send someone a second text before they've answered the first."

"Took and Ambien and a Viagra at the same time again. Im finding it hard to sleep."

"What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Damn"

"""What?""- pothead owl"

"Why aren't healthy drive-thrus a thing? I want an egg and a grapefruit and a latte and I don't want to get out of my car damn it."

"Today my neighbor knocked at my door at 3 am. Can you believe that? . Lucky for him that I was awake playing the drums!"

"Hope they send us home early; I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend to work today."

"what is the best way to smuggle drugs? In your dogs asshole. Should there be border control frisking, it will be perceived as two dogs plain wolfing"