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Joke of the Day

"Hope they send us home early; I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend to work today."

"I played Dodgeball... I got Bullied.... I ate Gluten... I didn't get Participation Trophies... I turned out fine... So will your kid..."

"Midgets wouldn't creep me out nearly as much if they were autotuned."

"When walking behind someone at night, let them know you're not dangerous by yelling ""DO NOT FEAR ME"" very loudly"

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven."

"What do you call two physicians? Paradox."

"Anyone can overcome adversity. But it takes real strength to complain and then give up."

"Why did the Carpenters wife leave him? Because he was screwing around."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a pretty obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."

"I texted her ""Thankin bout ur butt"" I don't know how much more romantic you can be"