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Joke of the Day

"Marriage is like a hurricane... Starts with a bunch of sucking and blowing, and at the end you lose your house."

"What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? I'm bigger than you!"

"what do you mean you can't deliver pizza to a pillow fort"

"[explain this joke] Phil Hartman ""what's the word on the street?"" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X2hqdOMxyM&t=9m34s different version http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0500148/quotes?item=qt0199251"

"My girlfriend's brain is going 24/7... Like a 7/11, not anyways doing business but it's always open."

"Maybe you should get your own life so that you can leave mine alone, bitch."

"Kids are like farts. You can just about stand your own."

"My youngest son's dirty clothes sit on the floor, beneath the laundry chute. I admire his hope that they'll bounce up and swish down."

"Yo mama is so fat that... ...she should really be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem"

"Me: I've lost my kitten Cop: How would you best describe him? Me: He looks like a miniature cat"