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Joke of the Day

"[explain this joke] Phil Hartman ""what's the word on the street?"" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X2hqdOMxyM&t=9m34s different version http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0500148/quotes?item=qt0199251"

"Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb? A: None even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiters eye"

"Something good is coming my way I can feel it. Nothing life changing, probably just a hotdog God please let it be a hotdog"

"Texas. Where the vegan menu item is chicken."

"[ear is bleeding for 3 days straight] hmm better keep an eye on that. [laptop slow for one second] i gotta run AdWare & antivirus right now"

"The Arabs invented a time machine. It's called Islam. It can take any civilization back to the 7th century."

"What kind of moronic mirror thinks that Kristen Stewart is fairer than Charlize Theron?"

"I got kicked out of a massage parlor the other day. Apparently the prostate isn't considered ""deep tissue."""

"What is the horror movie Quija rated? Quija-13"

"Coworker: Ugh, the coffee is too strong Me: There is no strong coffee. Just weak people."