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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's brain is going 24/7... Like a 7/11, not anyways doing business but it's always open."

"The phrase, ""Don't take this the wrong way"" has a zero percent success rate"

"A man is lying in a hospital bed. ""Doctor, how long do I have to live?"" asks the man. ""10,"" replies the doctor. ""10 what?"" ""9."""

"My gay friend told me this joke... But he couldn't keep a straight face"

"A termite walks into a bar and says ""Is the Bar Tender here?"""

"I am a perfect role model... ...for someone who takes ""how much can you fuck up your life?"" As an actual challenge."

"I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said ""Yes!"". I said ""Good, because I'm breaking up with you."" Fuck you, Chelsey."

"I fall more in love with you each day, well, except yesterday. Yesterday you were really freakin' annoying."

"What do you call a Trump supporter on a Friday night? A bad person"

"If you don't believe in evolution how do you explain such striking similarities between the doughnut and the bagel?"