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Joke of the Day

"I just bought a Bonnie Tyler sat-nav. It keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart."

"I sat next to the Duchess at tea... It was just as I thought it would be: Her rumblings abdominal Were simply phenomenal And everyone thought it was me."

"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother? My name is Paul."

"How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!"

"The CEO of AT&T just got married... The service was okay, but the reception was terrible."

"My daughter called me ""lame."" Let's see how ""lame"" she thinks I am when I pick her and her friends up from the movies in a BOAT"

"What did Jesus say when they un-nailed his hands from the cross? THE FEET, THE FEET, THE FEET!!!"

"Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake. Dog-1 Human-0"

"*Knock Knock* Come in."

"What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument? He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away."