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Joke of the Day

"Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake. Dog-1 Human-0"

"A landscaper's favourite musical genre? Mow-town."

"Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched. Both their phones must've been stolen."

"Did you know that beer contains female hormones? It's true. You drink too much you get fat, get emotional, talk too much, cry, and you can't drive a car. All apologies to the fairer sex."

"Max the camel walks into his parents' room at 2am and asks for a glass of water. His dad says, ""Another one? That's the second glass this month."""

"What kind of bee makes milk? A boobee!"

"*takes off pants* *crawls into bed* Security Guard- Lady, this is Macy's *crawls out of bed* *puts on pants* SG- Those aren't your pants"

"A black man walks into a bar... ...with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender exclaims, ""Wow! How exotic! Where did you get it?"" ""Africa"" Says the parrot."

"Today is the 20th anniversary of the genocide in Rwanda, but first... let me take a selfie."

"People tell me I'm confusing... I tell them I stopped making sense when I lost my job at the mint."