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Joke of the Day

"I sat next to the Duchess at tea... It was just as I thought it would be: Her rumblings abdominal Were simply phenomenal And everyone thought it was me."

"30 seconds left on the microwave. Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone. Men: do the space shuttle countdown."

"I remember when my grad father first got his pace maker Every time he would go to use the microwave he would piss his pants and forget who he was for about an half an hour or so."

"Never trust Atoms They make up everything"

"women sure love never chilling the fuck out"

"HER: Can I give you my new number? ME: *Eye roll* I REALLY doubt you came up with a number I don't already know."

"Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first."

"People belittle the internet ""talking about a dress"" as if we're busy solving problems otherwise."

"""I see people."" - The Fifth Sense"

"A man's bread shop burnt down Now his business is toast."