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Joke of the Day

"My grades are getting better Sike, that's the wrong subreddit"

"What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up, You could plug it into your computer And watch them over again."

"I was watching a tv evangelist this morning and it made me realize how much I'm looking forward to the Rapture. Yeah, I can't wait until all these ""Christians"" are gone."

"If the world was made of LSD, I'd learn to walk on my tongue."

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheeet."

"I want to buy the most elevated premium male deer, but it doesn't need to have the highest prize stag."

"Sports injury Last night on ESPN I was watching Women's beach volleyball. About three minutes into the game, there was a really bad wrist injury. The doctor said I should be fine in a few days though."

"Had a discussion with my boss about how lanyards can strangle.... conversation took a turn.... I am either fired or getting a HUGE raise x2"

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian... then soviet"

"If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year."