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Joke of the Day

"What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up, You could plug it into your computer And watch them over again."

Next Joke
 
"[ This one from the great /u/KingOfRibbles ] ""My sink was a bit dirty-"" ""-but all it needed was a little ...wiping!!!"""
"My buddy tells me he had sex with his GF and her twin the other night. I asked him how he told them apart. He says, ""well her brother has a mustache"""
"As a husband and father, it troubles me that prisoners are still being given time in solitary confinement when I would gladly pay for some."
"Some guy keeps saying he's going to post a pic of his girlfriend in his next submission to r/Femdom but never delivers OP is a flagellate"
"Sees cute guy in the parking. Drops something so I can bend over & do the sexy hair flip. Forgets I have short hair. He sees me as seizing."
"What kind of pizza did the Dalai Lama order? one with everything"
"I've written a book about reverse psychology Please don't buy it."
"Ever find a mirror that makes you look really good and you're like oh OK this is where I live now I live in this airport restroom now"
"Imagine if things had been reversed. We'd be eating Lou Gehrig candy bars and getting Babe Ruth's disease."