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Joke of the Day
"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian... then soviet"
Next Joke
"How do you encourage a bartender? ""That's the spirit!"" How do you discourage a bartender? Boos."
"Procrastination is like masturbation... It feels good at first, but in the end, you realize that you just fucked yourself."
"Alcoholism doesn't run in my family. It walks. You spill less beer that way."
"*Buys bat for home security *it flies away Being dumb is hard."
"What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a Snickers Bar? One wants you to put their chocolatey nutty goodness in your mouth, and the other is a child rapist."
"*Cop Dog radios in* We've got an armed robbery in progress ""What's that boy?"" An armed robbery on 5th ""Timmy's stuck in a well??"""
"Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread. Doctor: You've got to stop loafing around."
"What do you call a naked blond standing on her hands? A brunette with bad breath."
"Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator."