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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road? As a child, you could have been anything. And one by one, you didn't become any of them."

"How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident? As many as it takes /r/jokes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)^^^"

"My buddy just came over with his eyebrows waxed... The light had them shining so much it looked like both of his eyes just came up with the best idea."

"I went to a zoo with only one animal in it. It was a shih tzu."

"Erectile Dysfunction is hard to live with"

"What's the difference between me and an egg? An egg gets laid."

"You had me at ""there's no security cameras."""

"A guy walks into a heavy metal bar. ouch."

"I overheard a midget complaining to a police officer that his pocket had been picked. The officer said 'I can't believe anyone would stoop that low."

"Girlfriends are expensive but so is my drug habit."