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Joke of the Day

"How do you make holy water? you burn the hell out of it........"

"[interview] ""what's you're biggest weakness?"" *whispers* ""sorry i couldn-"" I CANT CONTROL MY VOLUME"

"I have a Punjabi friend He Singhs very well"

"Me: ""Hey towel, you're looking good. What u doing later?"" Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot."

"Me: Mom, am I ugly? Mom: Why don't you ask your girlfriend? Me: But I don't have a girlfriend! Mom: Still looking for the answer?"

"I was wondering why the football was getting bigger... Then it hit me."

"The person that invented toilet paper is easily the most under-appreciated hero in human history"

"I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her."

"Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth? Fred: I don't know Sir. Teacher: Come on Fred it has something to do with an apple. Fred: Granny Smith?"

"Molestation isn't funny! Seriously it's a touchy subject."