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Joke of the Day

"[interview] ""what's you're biggest weakness?"" *whispers* ""sorry i couldn-"" I CANT CONTROL MY VOLUME"

"Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? She uses the other one to moan."

"The D word that everyone's been feeling at work is depression. I guessed the wrong word, apparently. Aaaaand there's HR calling me. Brb."

"Why do women love the smell of babies so much? Because 50% of the taste is in the smell."

"A man walks into an auto parts store and says ""I'd like a rear view mirror for my Yugo."" The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while then says ""Yup seems like a fair trade to me."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ammon ! Ammon who ? Ammon old hand at picking locks !"

"WRITING TIP: Every movie should start with a close-up of an alarm clock going off and a hand clumsily trying to silence it."

"My girlfriend and I were arguing and she asked me to see things from her point of view So I went to the kitchen and looked out the window."

"When a man falls over the side of a boat... the crew shouts ""Man overboard!"" When a woman falls over, the crew shouts ""Full speed ahead!"""

"Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!"