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Joke of the Day

"Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth? Fred: I don't know Sir. Teacher: Come on Fred it has something to do with an apple. Fred: Granny Smith?"

"*Opens a window and the wind blows 84 hamburger wrappers from my desk.* ""Oh no! My research!!"""

"Give a man a fish... ...and feed him for one meal. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a man a fire, he stays warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and he stays warm for a lifetime."

"I can control sheep by just listening to them It's true, I heard them with my own ears"

"What was Romeo and Juliet's favorite fruit? Cantaloupe"

"As a form of protest against non-moving escalators, I get on and just stand there. Hours sometimes. It's not like I have anywhere to get to."

"What am I gonna do with a river? Could you cry me a beer?"

"How do dog catchers get paid? By the Pound!"

"I just learned that embalmers insert butt plugs into corpses to prevent leakage.... So now I know why zombies walk like they do."

"Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on the new Top Gear? It doesn't make sense, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear"