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Joke of the Day

"I must have a great ass Because after leaving a conversation, I always hear someone mumble ""what an ass."""

"I fall more in love with you each day, well, except yesterday. Yesterday you were really freakin' annoying."

"Mommy, they call me nymphomaniac at school... -Don't worry Lissa, it's just kid's stuff. Now you go to sleep before dark, or the Boogeyman will come at eat you. -Yeah! He should come and eat my pussy!"

"I illegally watched Hang Over Part 3 online and I still feel like I got ripped off."

"Why couldn't Beethoven find his teacher? Because he was Haydn."

"Larry Page's note to himself when wife mentions she wants motorola, she means phone."

"Someone stole my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about that."

"Just kick higher, dammit! This isn't Rockette science."

"Just farted in my cat's face. That's what we call a power move, gentlemen."

"I'm not saying Goldilocks was a piece of shit, but she broke into someone's house and just started eating their breakfast."