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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""Hey towel, you're looking good. What u doing later?"" Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot."

"I saw a guy with a belt made out of wrist watches. Thought it was a pretty cool waist of time."

"I went to Africa and spoke with the people there... It just clicked."

"How do you make a dead baby float? Nail a piece of styrofoam to its head."

"2 guys walk into a bar The 3rd guy ducks"

"People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one's laughing now. Wait."

"Why was the germiphobe scared of coins? Because he was afraid of change."

"You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet."

"Your gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"A guy is out to dinner with his wife... Wife: See that drunk guy at the bar? Guy: Yeah, what about him? Wife: He proposed to me 10 years ago, but I turned him down. Guy: Wow! He's STILL celebrating!"