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Joke of the Day

"What's the longest word in English? smiles. Because there's a mile between both S."

"Tarzan's Marriage Why didn't Tarzan and Jane manage to save their marriage? Because Tarzan was swingin' from three to three."

"Where does the thick, creamy dressing go when it gets sick? The Mayo Clinic."

"Why was the Gungan sent back in time by the Weeping Angel? He Jar Jar Blinked."

"I take my coffee how I take my women... ground up and in the freezer."

"The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee."

"Customer spelling her name: Me: Is that V as in Victor or Z as in Zebra? Her: Z as in Xylophone. And this, kids, is why education is key."

"I got this really good lifeprotip while in the shower, but I forgot it when I dropped the soap. Ah, now I remember what it was. Never pick up the soap when showering in a prison."

"Me: ""What's wrong?"" Wife: ""Nothing's wrong."" [Sighs heavily. Rolls eyes. Clenches jaw. Bursts into flame.] Me: ""I think something's wrong."""

"My brother was recently diagnosed with an eating disorder called pica, which means he eats non-nutritive substances... When I beat him at Jenga the other day, he literally shit bricks."