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Joke of the Day

"TEACHER: please take off your hat in class *I take off my hat revealing a slightly smaller hat* ME: I can do this 14 more times"

"Russian Standard is a vodka and American Standard is a toilet. Russians are all drunks and Americans are all full of shit."

"I heard Jared lost about 7 inches. .. But little Susie isn't sure."

"The average strokes per game at Wimbledon is 15, unless Maria Sharapova is playing then it is considerably higher..."

"New business name slogans Tawnya's Cleaning Service: I'm not willing to clean my own home, but I'll clean the shit outta yours! What do you think?"

"Why does Sia live in a low-rent apartment? She loves cheap bills"

"What's the best part about dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere!!"

"I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction. I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now."

"Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled? His toga size went from L to XL."

"Grandma, if you're looking down on me right now - close your eyes for a few minutes."