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Joke of the Day

"Russian Standard is a vodka and American Standard is a toilet. Russians are all drunks and Americans are all full of shit."

"Paul Walker took up Zen Buddism not long before his death. . . He became one with a tree."

"Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark? The octopus because it is well armed."

"I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist"

"Everyone has at least one friend who treats their Facebook status like their therapist."

"I don't see the problem with suicide.. For me at least, it seems like a self solving issue."

"A horse walks into a bar... ""Why the long face?"" asks the bartender... The horse replies, ""I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from Sex in the City."""

"Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin...no matter how epic it is"

"Today, coworker deemed herself ""unscareable"". Now I have no choice but to hide in the backseat of her car with an axe & correct her grammar."

"Mom: I think I'm gonna make a twitter Me: Mom it costs like $500 a year... Mom: That's expensive I'll stick with Facebook Me: Aww too bad"