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Joke of the Day

"I spent 2 years in rehab for my Phil Collins addiction. I did it against all odds. Just take a look at me now."

"I can't remember where I parked my car an hour ago but I can recall how stupid I was at 20. Please God erase that memory & bring back my car"

"What do you call a white European with a big dick? Hungaryan"

"As Microsoft reveal the new Windows 10, people start to question what happened to Windows 9. Microsoft's answer: Windows 7 ate it."

"A punk girl goes shopping and asks the cashier ""Can i get a refund if my parents like these clothes?"""

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"4yo: *shoots me with gun* *stuffs gun in my pocket* *runs away* Me: *Realizes he just made it look like a suicide* *keeping an eye on him*"

"You're so ugly... your birth certificate is a letter of apology."

"""I'm terribly sorry but your husband overdosed on Flintstones vitamins"" ""oh my god...is he ok?"" ""I'm afraid not. he...yabba dabba died lmao"""

"Knock knock! Who's there? Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton who? ...Who's asking?"