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Joke of the Day

"Why does Sia live in a low-rent apartment? She loves cheap bills"

"Listening to ska is like a bad hand job... It's all upstrokes"

"I'm doing Bikram yoga today. By that I mean I'm in the back seat of a hot car trying to contort myself enough to reach the ignition."

"Kids wont go to sleep so I'm playing hide&seek. And now they'll never find me, because they aren't old enough to drive or get into this bar."

"Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet."

"What's the shittiest dog race? The poo-dle! I'll be seeing myself out :/"

"I just found out that all the different colors in Fruit Loops are the same flavor, and now I don't know what's real anymore"

"I got arrested for having sex in a park. Luckily, I know some guys so I only got away with necrophilia."

"Just yelled ""F, YOU GUYS!"" to my students. Another perk of being a music teacher..."

"People keep saying I need to be more assertive Is that okay?"