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Joke of the Day

"why couldn't the imperial guard sniff out the money trail in skyrim? because of a deviated septim"

"My girlfriend gave me a handjob yesterday... and told me ""My God, your penis is huge!"" I replied, ""You're pulling my leg!"""

"From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks? You. Why I oughta...! Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this!"

"Pinocchio boarded a bus in Rome. The bus was full of priests, except for one seat. Pinocchio took the seat and said"" Thank god I'm not a real boy!!"""

"A restaurant patron complained about the limited dessert selection, and an Irish man turned his head to respond. What was the complaint? **Flan AGAIN?!**"

"Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !"

"No thanks, babies. If I'm going to let something inside of my body that's going to destroy my figure, it'll be cheese, bread and booze."

"Ambushed my mother-in-law After visiting our house my mother-in-law got ambushed by 6 men who starting punching her. My wife shouted ""Are you gonna help?"", I said ""6 should be enough!"""

"What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion? No one cries when you cut up Pizza."

"""Honey why are there broken condoms on our sofa?"" ""Shhhhh, our kids'll hear you"""