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Joke of the Day

"""Honey why are there broken condoms on our sofa?"" ""Shhhhh, our kids'll hear you"""

"If wishes were fishes... ...life would be pretty crappie"

"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!"

"My grandma has so many wrinkles she has to screw her hat on."

"I didn't want to make a scene but not fluffing my wife's pillows should get the point across that I don't appreciate the way she spoke to me"

"Boss: ""Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life""!! Me: ""Well It got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago 2011 Boss: ""Really""? Me: ""No"""

"I hope one day to be dating a moderator from /r/jokes... Everything is long from their point of view!!"

"A feminist walks into a bar Just kidding she couldn't fit through the doorway"

"Olympic Rowing ...literally is taking place in sewage."

"""Children, stop biting grandpa's nails... ...or I'll close the coffin!"""