165767

Joke of the Day

"95% of people masturbate while showering, the rest sings one specific song, which one?... No idea? Then I know what group you belong to ;)"

"What are you supposed to do when someone is having a seizure in the bath? ...throw a load of dirty laundry in."

"Whats blue and smells like red paint? blue paint"

"Why did the nun get a free hot dog at the fair? Because she spontaneously performed fellatio on the hot dog salesman. This made him feel charitable."

"Knock knock Who's there? I got up."

"Boss: Why are you late? Me: Why are you so obsessed with me?"

"Andy Murray's been detained by anti-corruption officials at the Davis Cup... Apparently he's been operating a racket for years."

"On this pesticide spray it says, ""Keep away from children."" Fuck, they knew I was coming."

"What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years, your job will still suck."

"If anyone's seen me at my best, and seen me at my worse, and still accepts me for who I am, it's definitely the liquor store."