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Joke of the Day

"A pirate with two peg legs walks into a bar... The bartender looks up from his newspaper and says ""you're cut off."""

"How does god receive prayers? knee-mail"

"If I were God, I'd totally be cool with you using my name in vain. Feel free to say, ""Oh John"" next time you're cumming ladies."

"What's the difference between a USB and the USA? One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, the other is a harware standard."

"I adopted a rock. He just sits there and does nothing all day. It still beats raising Kylo."

"There's no police in Canda... If your car is faster than a moose"

"Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me."

"If you ever decide to commit suicide by jumping from a building, the least you could do is wear a cape first."

"What did Stella McCartney say during a threesome? Come together Right now Over me"

"""Daddy, what happens when we die?"" ""You get married and have kids"""