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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a transcendentalist author looks at old photos? Thoreau Back Thursday"

"What would shakira be singing if she had been data scientist? Tsamina mina eh eh... ""Weka Weka"" eh eh..."

"[interview for an accounting job] Your resume says your greatest strength is using idioms. How can that help in this job? ""You do the math"""

"A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, ""Bartender, how much do I owe you?"" The bartender replies, ""For you, neutron, no charge."""

"Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check."

"I used to like Mitch Hedberg I still do but I used to too. RIP Mitch, we miss you."

"If your parachute doesn't deploy... You have the rest of your life to fix it."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Oh you don't know? Never mind. You wouldn't get it."

"One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. ""Tie me up,"" she purred, ""And you can do anything you want."" So he tied her up and went golfing."

"A Man Walks Into a Bar... Its sad how is alcohol dependency is destroying his family"