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Joke of the Day

"""The best part of waking up was the Folgers in my cup"" - Suicide note, first draft"

"I'm not flirting. I'm just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive. "

"Sometimes I make up raps about the mortgage brokers and escrow officers I work with in case one of these mother fuckers tries to battle me."

"Damn girl, are you Nutella? Because I want to spread you and eat you."

"Wow your rib cage and hip bones look stunning !!! Said No Man Ever"

"5 jokes at once. Q: how to tell 5 jokes at once? A: One direction"

"I need Hike Employee: I need Hike. H.R : Install it from play store."

"Why did the printer have wet ink? Because it couldn't control P"

"What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza A pizza can feed a family of four"

"Thank God I wasn't on twitter when I was in college. It would've taken me 65 years to get my degree."