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Joke of the Day

"Imagine you know a guy named Gary, & Gary calls his car the Garymobile & insists that you do, too. What I'm saying is Batman is a douche"

"Become a PhD After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it."

"Trainer: What's the most intense part of your work out? Me: Getting into my sports bra."

"Where do you go to get fresh complaints? The whinery."

"What do you call a cute shortcoming? Flaww"

"Pros and cons of guys Cons: they're dicks Pros: their dicks"

"Impressing the McDonald's drive thru people with my music is always a top priority"

"Family: come play dodgeball Me: nah Fam: oh come on Me: no thanks Fam: JUST PLAY Me: *nails 6 year old in the face*"

"My family keeps telling me that when I die I should have my ashes made into a diamond There's a lot of pressure"

"Why does it take Sarah Palin so long to get ready in the morning? Because she has two faces."