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Joke of the Day

"My family keeps telling me that when I die I should have my ashes made into a diamond There's a lot of pressure"

"What diploma do criminals get? The third degree."

"I saw an advert for a 1 TV. It said ""The volume is stuck on full."" Well, I can't turn that down, can I?"

"3 women in a bar are comparing how loose they are... One claimed they could fit a sausage, another claimed they can fit a cucumber and the other slid down the bar stool."

"I have a stalker now and it's super creepy. She shows up wherever I go... her house, her job, the women's restroom. I don't know what to do."

"Where on Earth can you find the highest concentration of Jews? In the atmosphere."

"Shout out... ...to the people who don't know what the opposite of in is."

"It's not necrophilia if she was alive when I started."

"How does Bob Marley like his biscuits? Wit jam in?"

"Whats the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted"