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Joke of the Day

"Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app this morning... ...and it sent an ambulance to my house"

"Why does Pope Francis call his dick Santa? Because he comes to the good kids only."

"I like my women like I like my coffee Silent."

"SCIENTIST: Behold The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive ME: uh okay *gets in* [CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]"

"Hey you know what's the hardest part of juggling? Telling girls you're not in the mood for sex."

"What's the worst part about being a pedophile? Trying to fit in"

"Why is Peter pan always flying? Because he NEVERLANDS. This joke is great because it never grows old."

"I got my IQ test results back They were negative."

"What do you call a peeping Tom cat? A Purrr-vert."

"Direct from my 8-year old: How do nursing babies blow their noses? With breast tissue."