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Joke of the Day

"""Speak softly and carry a big stick."" -- Teddy Roosevelt ""Yell loudly and talk about the size of your stick."" -- Donald Trump"

"DUMBLEDORE: Say hello to our new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor Totally-Not-Working-For-Voldemort. SNAPE: Dude, seriously?"

"Why was the lightning bug unhappy? Because her children were not very bright."

"Those ""You Are Here"" maps at bus stops are very simple in Detroit. They all just say ""Fucked."""

"What do you call an abortion in Prague? A cancelled Czech."

"My wife fave birth to our daughter yesterday. She was born with jaundice So there she was - small round and yellow. We called her *melon*-y"

"How many Feminists does it take to change a Light Bulb? Two - One to change the Bulb and one to Blow Me"

"WIFE: Every time I get close, I get hurt. THERAPIST: Is this true? PORCUPINE HUSBAND: *bristles* OF COURSE IT'S TRUE I'M A BALL OF NEEDLES"

"I'm okay with ""lol"", I'm cool with ""omg"", I even tolerate ""rofl"", but ""smh"" needs to gtfo."

"My girlfriend told me I need to spice things up in the bedroom... So I told her I would cumin her pussy. (That joke only works sometimes because it's seasonal)"