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Joke of the Day

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"The wood necromancer thought he had the upper hand when he trapped the clerics in his log cabin... But all too soon, the tables had turned."
"Trying to open a Capri Sun is the longest relationship I've had in 2015."
"Yo mama so fat... When she poops, her shit colides with the water and creates legible gravitional waves through space and time."
"What did Muhammad Ali tell ISIS? IsIs? Pretty soon y'all gonna be WasWas !"
"How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One, if no one's looking."
"Success... Is like being pregnant. Everyone congratulates you, but no one knows how many times you got fucked."
"Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!"
"Survey gone wrong.. or right?? On a survey for 'which conditioner you use?' 99% of the womens said 'aaahhhhhh.....get out of my shower!!!!'"
"A man's work is never done. ""...Something both men and women can agree on!"""