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Joke of the Day
"Trying to open a Capri Sun is the longest relationship I've had in 2015."
Next Joke
"LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun"
"""I suppose you have to live somewhere."" - A more accurate motto for the state of Utah."
"A man has been arrested after a bungled attempted at the theft of a combine harvester, during which he fell into the working parts of the machine. Police expect him to be bailed tomorrow."
"I have invented a machine *that reads the subtext in different voice*"
"Yesterday my wife caught me checking out our hot new neighbor and all she had to say to me was, ""It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home""."
"""Hi can I just have a single burger?"" I'm sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship ""But that's not eve- Please show some respect"
"At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music"
"Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else."
"Why is the Mars Rover banned from pet stores? Curiosity killed the cat."