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Joke of the Day

"You know what they say about the necronomicon? It's a real cult classic!"

"Rule number one of the English language: The use of double negatives is a big no-no"

"How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. She holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her."

"It's so cool how avocados take forever to get ripe then they're ripe for about 15 minutes then they're rotten then I kill all these hostages"

"Girl: I want bangs Me: I want a stylist to get my hair as close to antlers as possible. Make me look like a young prince of the wooded glen"

"What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common? In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out."

"How fast do lesbians have sex? Lickety-split."

"I wear my wedding ring on my middle finger to remind me of how f*cked I am"

"""There's no use crying over spilt milk."" Unless you spill it on a winning Powerball ticket, then you should probably cry."