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Joke of the Day

"wife: ""just break it to him gently"" me: ""ok ill try"" [tucking son in bed] me: [opening story book] ""once upon a time your grandma's dead"""

"I can always determine how financially stable I am by how carelessly I press on the gas pedal."

"The Commonwealth Games: For when you can't win an Olympic medal."

"""Go left at the chopsticks in the road"" - Chinese directions"

"Jerry Seinfeld is at Best Buy. ""We've got a great deal on TVs today"" the salesman says. ""What's the deal?"" Jerry says. The Best Buy explodes"

"What do you call a bear that's not drunk? So-Bear!"

"I like my coffee like I like my coffee. Coffee."

"If the British had won, today we'd all be celebrating the Fouurth of July"

"What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? Both of them cost $100 and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed!"

"clever pupil makes fool his teacher PUPIL: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: off course not. PUPIL: good, because I didn't do my homework."