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Joke of the Day

"If I ever move to Nazareth I'm going to open a cheese shop. It'll be called Cheeses of Nazareth."

"What concert costs $0.45 50 Cent with Nickelback as the opening act."

"Why can't Democrats sell pants? They believe in a single-pair system."

"I also like my coffee like I like my women ...ground up and in the freezer"

"Did you hear about the suicide bomber that became a Youtube sensation? He never thought he'd blow up like this."

"Why did the witch lose her way? Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction."

"I just read an article about a woman who killed her husband, boiled his body, and turned it into homemade jelly she kept in her pantry! It was really jarring."

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"

"me: ""4,000 for a beehive?"" salesman: ""sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each"" me: [checking my wallet] ""give me 3 bees"""

"My age is very inappropriate for my behavior."