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Joke of the Day

"I just read an article about a woman who killed her husband, boiled his body, and turned it into homemade jelly she kept in her pantry! It was really jarring."

"""If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end, the person will die."" -- Neil deGrasse Tyson https://twitter.com/neiltyson"

"What do you call an incognito deer? An anonymoose"

"There we were, two men against an army... Boy, did we beat the hell out of those two guys."

"Hey terrorists, wanna cripple America? Hack Twitter and cause all DM's to go public. I'm just kidding, don't do that shit. We'd kill you."

"Auto correction can suck my duck."

"My house is like an Indiana Jones movie. Partly because I walk around with a bullwhip, but mostly because of all the cobwebs."

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. I'll see myself out now."

"Why does the leprechaun laughs when it runs? Because the grass tickles its balls"

"Why did the soviet plane crash? It was stalin"